Six games into the season and your child has spent most of them in a bib on the touchline. You’ve started counting the minutes. They’ve gone quiet on the drive home, and last Saturday they asked if they even needed to bring their boots. If your child is not getting game time, you’re not being pushy for noticing. You’re being a parent.
I’ve been on both sides of this. I’ve been the coach deciding who goes on, and I’ve been the dad watching my own son fight for minutes at a JPL team. So this isn’t a post telling you to sit back and trust the process. It’s what I actually tell parents when they come to me worried their child is not getting game time.
What game time should look like at your child’s age
At the younger ages, the FA is clear that equal playing time is the goal, because children who barely get on the grass lose interest and get left behind. When I worked with a JPL team, the league asked for every player to get at least half of every match they were selected for. That 50% has stuck with me ever since, and if I go back into team coaching, it’s the line I’ll hold.
From around under 13 or under 14, it does get more competitive and more serious, especially the higher the level your child plays at. Selection starts to matter more. But even then, a child who is not getting game time week after week deserves an explanation, and so do you.
I’ll be honest about the coach’s side too. People love to say results don’t matter in grassroots football. They matter to the kids. Children want to feel they’re in with a chance, and a coach trying to keep a team competitive while rotating fairly is juggling something real. That’s a reason, not an excuse. At this age, the job is still to develop players, and that means all of them.
The Game Time Check: what to do when your child is not getting game time
When a parent comes to me because their child is not getting game time, I walk them through the same four steps. I call it the Game Time Check.
Step one: ask the coach, the right way
It’s more than okay to be open with the coach, as long as it’s done the right way. That means not on the touchline, not straight after a defeat, and not in the team WhatsApp group. If you’re worried your child is not getting game time, ask for a few minutes away from training and go in with a question rather than a complaint. “What does my child need to work on to get more minutes?” opens a very different conversation from “Why isn’t my child playing?”
Step two: act on what you hear
If your child is not getting game time because of something in their game, that’s actually good news, even if it doesn’t feel like it. You now have a list of things to work on. In my experience, the players who improve the most are the ones prepared to do things outside their regular team training, with parents who work with the coach rather than against them.
When my son was struggling at his JPL team, we had honest chats at home. Here’s the area we’re finding hard, here’s maybe why, and here’s what we can do about it. For things to change, we have to change. We can’t always look to place blame. When a child makes real improvements in the areas the coach has named, they get noticed in training, the coach trusts them more, and the minutes tend to follow.
Step three: watch for the real red flag
A child not getting game time isn’t the warning sign on its own. Low minutes plus no feedback is. If your child is hardly getting on and the coach isn’t telling you how they’re progressing, what they could work on, or how you could help at home, that’s when things get difficult.
I have to hold my hands up here. In my earlier coaching years I was good at giving feedback to the players, but not as good at passing it on to their parents. I learned from that. Parents need to hear regularly where their child is and what’s going on, otherwise the only thing they have to go on is the stopwatch. So if you’ve asked and you’re still getting nothing back, take note.
And remember where your part stops. During training and during matches, it’s for the coach and your child to work things out. Step away and let them. Your part happens in the conversation with the coach and in the work at home.
Step four: if it’s time to move, do your homework
If you’ve had the conversation, your child has put the work in, and they’re still not getting game time with no plan from the coach to change that, moving clubs can be the right call. But don’t jump at the first team that says yes.
Scope the club out properly. Speak to the coach who would actually work with your child and ask how they develop players and how they decide minutes. Watch your child in a few sessions before committing. And find the right level. If the standard is high and they still want your child, ask yourself honestly how many chances they’ll really get there. As I wrote in my post on playing up an age group, the right challenge matters more than the most impressive badge. A club closer to your child’s current level often means more minutes and more chances to show what they can do.
What happened when one family went through it
A parent once came to me because their son was not getting game time and it was knocking his confidence. My advice was exactly this: speak to the coach, find out why, and use the answer. They had that conversation, and it became clear the minutes weren’t going to change. So they looked around properly and found a club that suited him far better.
At the new club he played regularly. He was also doing one to one sessions with me, and between the two he improved a lot. The feedback from his parents was that he was happier and far more confident. Same boy, different environment.
That’s the point I want you to take away. If your child is not getting game time, it isn’t a verdict on their future. Sometimes it’s a list of things to work on. Sometimes it’s a sign the environment is wrong. The Game Time Check helps you work out which one it is.